Hanging out should not require a receipt. But for many Berkeley High School students, it increasingly does. Getting food, seeing a movie, or even just driving around can turn a casual afternoon expensive.
When friendships become centered around consumption and spending money becomes the default way to socialize, it can unintentionally exclude students who have less money, limit the activities friends can participate in, and create pressure to spend just to keep up.
For many teenagers in Berkeley, going out with friends is relatively accessible, whether their spending money comes from their parents or from a job of their own. Getting coffee, shopping, and other activities can become an everyday occurrence.
Because young people have easy access to stores, restaurants, and cafes in Downtown Berkeley, the wide variety of options can reinforce the expectation to spend money when hanging out with friends. This is especially true around the Berkeley campus, where many of these establishments are targeting students.
“If we’re going out to get food, I usually expect myself to get something,” Callie Mulholland-Beahrs, a BHS freshman, said.
Defaulting to spending money can make those without as much financial freedom feel left out. “You don’t want to be that one person who’s like, ‘Oh, I don’t want to do that, I don’t want to go with you, or let’s do something else’,” Amani Meleis, a BHS senior, said.
Even if it may not be someone’s intention, suggesting hanging out and spending money can make students without the financial resources that their friends might have, turning down plans means more than simply missing an activity; it can mean missing out on quality time. Over time, repeatedly having to say no can make someone feel excluded.
Financial freedom allows people the option to spend money on things that they want, or need, without having to worry about the cost. Even though many teens may have that financial freedom, it doesn’t mean that they want to use it.
Spending $7 on a coffee, even just three times a week, can quickly add up, totaling to $1100 in one year alone. Especially for teens making their own money and not relying on their parents, such indulgences may not be worth the cost. That money could instead go towards a college fund, larger purchases, or something they value more.
“Even if I do have $100 in my bank account, it just makes more sense to put it in savings, not spend it,” Meleis said.
While frequent outings and activities requiring money seem like fun ways to catch up with friends, associating socializing with spending can make activities that cost nothing seem less appealing.
“(My friends) assume that having fun means going somewhere and buying something,” Lili Eade-Duesberg, a BHS sophomore, said.
This mindset can turn friendship into something more transactional. Instead of thinking about what to do and coming up with creative things to do, teens can find themselves asking what they want to buy and what to spend money on.
Spending money can also contribute to feelings of reward and excitement by activating the brain’s reward system and releasing dopamine, according to Psychology Today.
When spending becomes closely associated with having fun with friends, activities that don’t involve spending money can begin to feel like less appealing alternatives.
“It feels like there’s not anything else to do,” said Eade-Duesberg.
Spending money can certainly be part of spending time with friends, but it shouldn’t be what determines whether a plan is worth making. When getting food or shopping becomes the automatic choice, it can be easy to overlook the activities that don’t come with a price tag.
The issue isn’t the occasional coffee or meal; it’s when spending becomes so routine that students stop considering what else they could do together.
With friendships becoming more consumer-based, activities like going on hikes, baking, playing a game, or simply walking around can start to slip away.
“The creative side of finding fun things to do with friends instead of just going shopping has pretty much vanished,” Mulholland-Beahrs said.
Being able to be present in friendships should not be limited by who can afford to participate. Spending less can make room for activities that are more accessible and just as meaningful.
Making space for more activities that don’t require money can give students more options, reduce the pressure to spend, and bring back some of the variety that can get lost when every single hangout revolves around buying something.