Growing up with a high-achieving older sibling can often present challenges for younger siblings, often leading to feelings of pressure and the need to meet elevated expectations. This dynamic can significantly influence their academic performance, self-esteem, and overall well-being.
Younger siblings frequently experience an implicit pressure to match or surpass the accomplishments of their older siblings. This pressure can come from direct comparisons by parents, teachers, peers, as well as from internalized expectations. For instance, students with high-achieving siblings often feel an added burden to live up to their family’s academic standards. This can serve as motivation for some, but for others may lead to anxiety or a sense of loneliness.
Madi Rosequist, a sophomore at BHS, described experiencing this feeling of pressure in regards to her older brother. “I'm not not high achieving; it's just that school comes easier to him than it does for me,” Rosequist said. This highlights an important distinction, that being a strong student doesn’t always mean success comes easily. Younger siblings may work just as hard but feel overshadowed if their older sibling achieves high grades with less effort.
June Griffith, another sophomore at BHS, shared a similar perspective, but with a more positive take. “Growing up with an older sibling who is high-achieving has been a positive experience because it pushes me to be my best self,” Griffith said. While comparisons can be difficult, sometimes younger siblings use them as motivation rather than a source of stress.
Vera Libova Gomes, a BHS sophomore who has a sister as a current student at UCLA, expressed a different perspective explaining that she didn’t always feel the impact of having a high-achieving sibling. “I don't believe I had much of an experience growing up with an older sibling who was considered high-achieving because I only really realized that when she went to college,” Gomes said.
The constant comparison to a successful student can depend on a younger sibling’s ability to develop a distinct personal identity. They may feel overshadowed, which can lead to low self esteem and a belief that their efforts are undervalued. Rosequist recalled her experience with a teacher who held her to her older sibling’s standards. “No matter what, she wouldn’t really give me a good grade, and I just felt like I wasn’t as good as he was,” Rosequist said. Academic comparisons, even if unintentional, can affect younger siblings' confidence, making them feel as though they may not measure up. This feeling can be shared by many younger siblings who feel they are constantly living in their sibling’s shadow, striving to uphold their family's reputation.
Griffith also recalled moments of comparison, particularly within her own household. “There have been times when I felt compared to my older sibling, especially when my parents compare grades, extracurriculars, and personality,” Griffith said.
Similarly, Gomes noted that while she and her sister are seen as different, the moments of comparison that do happen can still be impactful. “I have rarely ever felt compared to my sister because I think most people can recognize that we are different and perform differently, but when I have been compared, it made me feel pressured in a way to achieve the same successes as she did,” Gomes said. Even occasional comparisons can weigh on a younger sibling, creating an expectation to meet an older sibling’s accomplishments.
Research indicates that this effect on younger siblings can often make them face significant challenges due to their older sibling’s success. This constraint can manifest in various ways. Studies have shown that the academic achievements of older siblings can have a direct impact on the performance of their younger counterparts. For instance, research examining sibling spillover effects found that having an academically successful older sibling can influence the younger siblings test scores, particularly in middle school. This effect varies based on family background, with more pronounced impacts observed in certain demographics.
However, in some cases, younger siblings put this pressure on themselves rather than feeling it from parents or teachers. Rosequist reflected on how younger siblings may feel the need to prove themselves, sometimes at the cost of their own well-being. “Maybe I think that pressure comes from mostly myself. I pushed myself too much and then it caused me to not do well,” Rosequist said.
Gomes explained that while she sees her sister’s success as motivation, it has also set a high standard. “I think my sister’s success made me set higher expectations for myself because that made me realize what is possible and how I can achieve that,” Gomes said.
Further research indicates that younger siblings often feel compelled to enroll in AP courses if their older siblings have done so. Data reveals that about 74 percent of younger siblings in such scenarios take at least one AP exam, with the number of exams increasing in correlation with the older siblings' performance. For example, younger siblings whose older sibling scored near the top thresholds of AP exams tend to take more AP exams themselves.“I chose to take AP classes because my parents expected me to, and I wanted to see if I could do as good as my sister,” Griffith said.
Gomes also based many of her academic decisions on her sister’s experiences. “Yes, most of my academic choices were based off of my sister’s advice. I’ve seen how her academic decisions worked out well for her, and I want the same for myself, so I try to follow in her footsteps,” Gomes said.
The pressure to match or surpass an older sibling's accomplishments can lead to emotional challenges for younger siblings. Feelings of being overshadowed or living in the sibling’s shadow are common, which can challenge the development of a distinct personal identity. This struggle for individuality may result in diminished self confidence and a sense that their efforts are underappreciated. “Even though it feels kind of like you are in their shadow, you’re your own person, and you shouldn’t let them being your sibling define that,” Rosequist said. This perspective is crucial for younger siblings struggling with comparison because it reinforces that their worth is not determined by how they measure up to someone else.
While upholding the accomplishments done by your siblings, having a high achieving older sibling can also inspire younger ones to set higher goals for themselves. Observing the dedication and success of an older sibling can raise younger siblings’ expectations and aspirations, motivating them to pursue excellence in their efforts. “One thing I’ve learned from this experience is that I love having an older achieving sister because even with the downsides, I’m the way I am because of how I got pushed,” Griffith said.
“I see my sister’s achievements more as motivation than an expectation of what I have to meet. I think seeing how far she has come helps me push harder in my academic life because it showed me that is a possibility for me as well,” Gomes said.
While some younger siblings feel pressure to measure up, others see their sibling’s success as a driving force that helps them grow. Although having a high-achieving older sibling can provide motivation, it often places younger siblings under considerable pressure. This can affect both their mental health and academic performances, highlighting the need for awareness and support from parents and educators to ensure the healthy development of each child. As Rosequist says, “Not everyone learns in the same way. You're as good as them in different ways.” Encouraging younger siblings to focus on their own strengths rather than comparisons can help them build a sense of identity separate from their sibling’s achievements.