“What are you doing over the weekend?” is a question that most teenagers are used to hearing and asking their friends. With texting as the predominant form of communication in the lives of teenagers, small talk is an inevitability. However, students must be careful not to let small talk become the basis of all their interactions. Teenagers must have more meaningful conversations to cultivate deeper friendships.
To begin, no one friendship is the same. For extroverts, social exchanges are more invigorating, while for introverts, too much interaction can make them avoid long conversations. But no matter if you are introverted or extroverted, social connection is a basic human need, having evolved from our hominid ancestors' need for “strength in numbers.”
Nicholas Epley, a professor of behavioral science at the University of Chicago Booth School of Business, experimented with over 1,800 people to test whether superficial or deep conversations are more fulfilling. Participants were paired with strangers and either discussed shallow prompts like "What’s the weather like today?" or more engaging ones like “If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about your life, what would you want to know?” While participants with deeper prompts overestimated how awkward the conversation would be, they ended up having a better time and feeling closer to the stranger.
“Human beings are deeply social and tend to reciprocate in conversation. If you share something meaningful and important, you are likely to get something meaningful and important in return,” Epley reported.
Friendship is a crucial tool for navigating the chaotic journey that is high school. To engage in a meaningful conversation, one can remember four specific words that make up the word "talk." T for topics, A for asking, L for levity, and K for kindness. By thinking about a few topics or questions you have for another person before engaging in conversation with them, you will be better prepared to have a thoughtful conversation, and it also gives you a reason to reach out to people in the first place. By asking considerate questions, you are letting the other person know that you are listening intently and care about what they are saying. An easy way to apply levity is by simply smiling. Not only does smiling increase your dopamine levels, but it can also be contagious, making the person you are with feel more at ease. And lastly, the most important ingredient in a deep conversation is kindness. By truly focusing on the other person rather than yourself, your attention will be valued and reciprocated.
Nevertheless, if you find yourself relying on small talk, don't be alarmed. Small talk can be a useful tool for learning about your friends' lives. But when you're ready for a more profound connection, being vulnerable is a good way to start. As you share about your hopes and struggles, others will likely do the same — and deeper conversations will blossom.